Saturday, 20 August 2011

The New Age Liveries

Bunty Pargeter thought she had seen everything, but the Podmores took her by surprise. They were her first new liveries ever to apply the principles of feng shui in considering the allocation of their horse’s stable.

Fortunately Vaysey Pastures and stable number six ticked most of their boxes.

Tyger Lily explained that the yard was not located next to disturbing influences and was on flat ground, which was calming.

Che observed that the shape of the yard did not inhibit the accumulation of vital sheng qi and asked that the straw bed be kept away from the stable door. This should assist restful sleep.

They had already checked that the yard was near no malevolent lay lines and both felt confident that their mare, Moonflower would be comfortable there.

Accepting their cheque for the first month’s livery Miss Pargeter confirmed that she was very pleased that they thought her yard “had a good vibe”. She too was confident that “everything would be cool” and suggested over her shoulder, whilst rushing off to “an urgent prior engagement”, that they "visit the common room to meet the other liveries".

There, beneath a cloud of Silk Cut, Patsy Pottle and Rose Bush were enjoying a cup of instant whilst dissecting the character of Rita Palgrave following a mild altercation over the use of diamante browbands the previous evening.

With their critical faculties already sharpened, they turned their analytical eye upon the smiling Podmores.

At a glance they took the couple in from head to toe.

They noted Che’s pony tail – remarkable in a man of his age – single earring and sandals.

Tyger Lily was striking in a bandana, low-cut blouse and voluminous peasant skirt. The effect contrived to be both bohemian and ethnic, in a middle-European sort of way.

As first impressions went, this was a startling as it ever got at Vaysey Pastures.

Hardly shy, the newcomers soon introduced themselves; they amiably excused the absence of herbal teas or macro-biotic snacks and made do with coffee and a hobnob.

Che and Tyger Lily explained they had lately become followers of the Guru Naseem Goreng and lived by his teachings. As a result, they were "more in touch with their own key chakras" and "felt all the better for it."

They were soon regaling Patsy and Rose with their views on homeopathy and a range of alternative holistic therapies. Their Moonflower had flourished since receiving regular reiki.
The Podmores never travelled far without lavender for grounding and had already lodged crystals strategically around Moonflower's stable.

Rose and Patsy were impressed by the new-age newcomers. They had laughed about Tyger Lily’s excitement when Che told her he was going to give her something from Sting, her thrilled anticipation of unbridled tantric sex and disappointment on receiving only his Greatest Hits CD.

Driving back to their bungalow, Ashram Podmore in the hamlet of Gusset, Tyger Lily enthused about the yard and the fun they would have there every weekend.

In the week, however, she would return to being housewife, Ruby Podmore and Che would remove his pony tail wig and earring to again become Honest Sid Podmore, Turf Accountant.

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